Confused, and deflated.
My mind is mad, but my heart is sad.
The wonderful winter wonderland has melted into a puny puddle of patheticness.
But I'm still happy.
Joy and love is the choice that I will cling to.
Showing posts with label hurt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hurt. Show all posts
Monday, December 5, 2011
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Eighteen, and I like it.
I'm eighteen, and I don't know what I want. Eighteen, I just don't know what I want. Eighteen, I've got to get away. I've got to get out of this place. I'll go running in outer space.
I've got a baby's brain and an old man's heart. Took eighteen years to get this far. Don't always know what I'm talking about. Feels like I'm living in the middle of doubt.
Cause I'm eighteen! I get confused everyday. eighteen. I just don't know what to say.
Eighteen, I've got to get away.
I've got a baby's brain and an old man's heart. Took eighteen years to get this far. Don't always know what I'm talking about. Feels like I'm living in the middle of doubt.
Cause I'm eighteen! I get confused everyday. eighteen. I just don't know what to say.
Eighteen, I've got to get away.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Oh the Pain
My inner sadness.
Always it is bubbling,
Trying to escape.
Bottled up within,
Slowly tearing me apart.
Regret and sorrow.
Always it is bubbling,
Trying to escape.
Bottled up within,
Slowly tearing me apart.
Regret and sorrow.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
What the heck
Life. We plan, we scheme, we chart. We keep schedules, make appointments, create deadlines. But does it work out like that? No. It doesn't. Why? Why doesn't life work out the way we want it to? The way we plan for it to. Why don't things happen within the deadlines we set? Why doesn't life keep up with our charted out schedules?
I'm feeling a bit frustrated, and upset at life. Its not working out like I wanted.
As my plans keep unfurling, I'm starting to realize that it isn't supposed to work out the way we want. That's what makes it life. Our Plan A crumbles into a pile of nothing, and what are we left with? Well, a mess to sweep up. But also we are left with the realization that we aren't in control.
So, I'm not in control. Crap. Now what?
When I was thinking about plans, and life, and how it just doesn't seem to be working out at all, I thought about a verse I found when my parents were going through their divorce.
Matthew 6:31-34 "... do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat? or 'What shall we drink? or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
What an amazing verse. One of my favorite parts in when it gives the example of the lily. Take any flower. Even just a little grass weed flower. The delicate petals gracefully wrap themselves around the yellow heart of the masterpiece. A perfect combination. God dresses the flowers so excellently. Weeds suck, and we try to kill them. We are so much more important then weeds. If He cares so much about a little weed, to make it so beautiful, just think what He wants to do for us?
I'm starting my quest of letting to and letting the master planner take control of my schedule.
I'm feeling a bit frustrated, and upset at life. Its not working out like I wanted.
As my plans keep unfurling, I'm starting to realize that it isn't supposed to work out the way we want. That's what makes it life. Our Plan A crumbles into a pile of nothing, and what are we left with? Well, a mess to sweep up. But also we are left with the realization that we aren't in control.
So, I'm not in control. Crap. Now what?
When I was thinking about plans, and life, and how it just doesn't seem to be working out at all, I thought about a verse I found when my parents were going through their divorce.
Matthew 6:31-34 "... do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat? or 'What shall we drink? or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
What an amazing verse. One of my favorite parts in when it gives the example of the lily. Take any flower. Even just a little grass weed flower. The delicate petals gracefully wrap themselves around the yellow heart of the masterpiece. A perfect combination. God dresses the flowers so excellently. Weeds suck, and we try to kill them. We are so much more important then weeds. If He cares so much about a little weed, to make it so beautiful, just think what He wants to do for us?
I'm starting my quest of letting to and letting the master planner take control of my schedule.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Right and Wrong
Jeffrey Goines once said,
“There is no such thing as right and wrong, there's just popular opinion.”
I disagree. We all know some things are very black and white. Right and wrong. To kill another person is wrong. To feed a starving child is right. But what about the things that are in the gray area? The classic example used: Is it wrong for a man to steal to feed his dying family? In a hypothetical world I would say, yes it would be wrong. But when in the real world you see his skeleton wife beast feeding a tiny sick baby. His other hungry children wallowing in the dirt. What then?
Why do some people see things as wrong, which others would see as right? How do we know who is correct? I think the only way to know is to be in touch with your heart. And as long as your heat is in touch with God, you will know.
Where this breaks down is for those of us who aren't in touch with our hearts. I struggle with feelings. I have to work hard to know what I'm feeling and why. Emotions are weird things. Emotions of hurt, happiness, love, anger, confusion, distress, neediness, joy, anticipation, and sadness. I think I let my emotions get the best of me without even knowing I'm having said emotions. I love using the example of Newtons law of motion. For every action, there is a reaction. Many times I react without being able to identify and analyze the original action (or emotion). Lately I've been feeling ugly. I just don't feel beautiful, or pretty. Unnamed persons have told me I need to do such and such if I want to be beautiful. That I need to be skinnier, and more fit. Without recognizing my hurt from these comments I set out to prove to myself I was good enough. I chose a reaction without knowing the reason for it. I devised a way in which I would be seen as beautiful. However, even this backfired on me. And now I see even more then ever, how important it is to be in touch with your heart. If I had been able to identify my feelings of hurt and rejection I might have been able to chose a more appropriate reaction. I hope with time I will be able to get in touch with my heart so I can see an action before making a rash reaction.
“There is no such thing as right and wrong, there's just popular opinion.”
I disagree. We all know some things are very black and white. Right and wrong. To kill another person is wrong. To feed a starving child is right. But what about the things that are in the gray area? The classic example used: Is it wrong for a man to steal to feed his dying family? In a hypothetical world I would say, yes it would be wrong. But when in the real world you see his skeleton wife beast feeding a tiny sick baby. His other hungry children wallowing in the dirt. What then?
Why do some people see things as wrong, which others would see as right? How do we know who is correct? I think the only way to know is to be in touch with your heart. And as long as your heat is in touch with God, you will know.
Where this breaks down is for those of us who aren't in touch with our hearts. I struggle with feelings. I have to work hard to know what I'm feeling and why. Emotions are weird things. Emotions of hurt, happiness, love, anger, confusion, distress, neediness, joy, anticipation, and sadness. I think I let my emotions get the best of me without even knowing I'm having said emotions. I love using the example of Newtons law of motion. For every action, there is a reaction. Many times I react without being able to identify and analyze the original action (or emotion). Lately I've been feeling ugly. I just don't feel beautiful, or pretty. Unnamed persons have told me I need to do such and such if I want to be beautiful. That I need to be skinnier, and more fit. Without recognizing my hurt from these comments I set out to prove to myself I was good enough. I chose a reaction without knowing the reason for it. I devised a way in which I would be seen as beautiful. However, even this backfired on me. And now I see even more then ever, how important it is to be in touch with your heart. If I had been able to identify my feelings of hurt and rejection I might have been able to chose a more appropriate reaction. I hope with time I will be able to get in touch with my heart so I can see an action before making a rash reaction.
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